totally confused all the passing piranhas, she’s lump

For the Annals of Stupid Things I Do to Food/Drink During Races, I have not yet exhausted my supply of stories from Around the Bay. 

I packed my race kit the evening before the race (I’m organized!) in the dark because it was Earth Hour and I’m awesome in a turn the lights out way (I’m not organized enough to finish before Earth Hour!) and thus my gel selection was touch based.  I quickly discovered that my gel selection was limited to two choices: lumpy or really lumpy. 

I opted for Lumpy.  Lumpy, I later discovered by candlelight, was over a year expired.  Really Lumpy was nearly two years expired and intelligently went right to the garbage bin.  You may recall my recent brush with expired products.  I lost.   Sweaty Kid reminded me of a recent tangle with gels during a race.  I lost.  Someone with more foresight than me could have easily avoid certain tragedy.

But Lumpy seemed fine except for the bottom lumpy bits.  I reasoned I could eat around the lumpy bits, which would helpfully stay put at the bottom of packet.  I estimated 5/6 of the packet was edible.  The odds were in my favour.

I saved my gel for 21K, a sugar kick for the final push.  In my race haze I greedily consumed the entire packet, lumpy bits and all, then immediately freaked as the disgusting and no longer vanilla flavoured lumps bumped down my throat.  

I do not know the physical side effects of expired gels, but the psychological side effects are an urgent need to go and to go is code for two not one, obsessive worrying about the side effects of ingesting expired chemicals, and the constant feeling of not vanilla regurgitation. 

 Not one to let a near poisoning throw me off my game, as you well know, I stoically soldiered on.

Title: Presidents of the United States of America – Lump.  1995.

9 responses to “totally confused all the passing piranhas, she’s lump

  1. It’s a new race strategy. Make your race experience so horrible that you have to make it to the finish in record time to end the horror.

    I don’t think I have the guts (stomach?) to try that strategy myself.

  2. So you wouldn’t compare an expired gel to a fine wine, then?

    “The disgusting and no longer vanilla flavoured lumps bumped down my throat.” -Bahahaha! What were the lumps? I would like to dissect an expired gel in some chemistry experiment and find out.

  3. Pingback: As clumsy as you’ve been there’s no one laughing « My Running Shorts

  4. OMG, lumpy and very lumpy, not great options for gell; Around the Bay 2011 was my first 30K and the reason I joined the RRR to try and get ready to potentially run my first marathon. Your insights, in the very few posts I’ve read this evening are fun, witty and absolutely amazing; besides totally hilarious!!! great reading; I’ll now continue to look for more updates from your marvellous blog! Cheers

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