Tag Archives: fun run

Everybody’s walking like the new kid in town

It is well-known that my two main hobbies are running and TV-watching. I like to think I have sophisticated TV taste, rejecting the Two and Half Men laugh track style of show for the types of shows usually ignored by the broader public and cancelled after 2-3 amazing seasons.

But sometimes I get bored and I find myself watching embarrassing shows written for the masses. And sometimes those shows talk about running. This poses a problem for me, because I love to write about the collision of running and TV. But by writing about the collision of the embarrassing show and running my facade of good TV taste crumbles into a pile of badly stereotyped characters and cheesy one-liners. Continue reading

Fuel burning fast on an empty tank

Corner Gas is one of my favourite shows. Remarkably it ran for six seasons. My favourite shows usually top out at three seasons, with threats of cancellation during the entire run. This is not because I have poor taste in shows, but because the rest of North America has poor taste in shows. Two and a Half Men. I rest my case.

In the 3rd season of Corner Gas two of the series regulars, Lacey and Wanda, start a running club so they can train for an upcoming 10K fun run.

Continue reading

School’s out for summer

I learned to run in grad school.

PhD Comics

Title Reference: Alice Cooper – School’s Out. 1973.

Goes to my head

I have found my next race.  Always in touch with hip happenings like wine runs, my friend over at Toronto Workout talked me into it.  The Niagara Wine County Run.  Destined to be my slowest half marathon ever.  21.1K.  12 wine stations.  I rarely drink.  I have the tolerance of a four year old girl.  The race is at 3pm.  In June.  Drinking in the sun.  This will be fun.  Who else wants to run?

Title Reference:  UB40 – Red Red Wine.  1983.

I get knocked down

Some ads are worth sharing.  This is one of those ads.

Credit goes to Karen Karnis, the Endorphin Junkie, for finding this clip.  As thanks take a moment to check out her blog: http://www.irun.ca/blog/index.php/category/karenkarnis/

Title Reference:  Chumbawamba - Tubthumping*. From the album Tubthumper. 1996.

* According to Wikipedia, the liner notes for this song mention the short story The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner.

One moment in time

Dowey at SickKids. Source/Photo Credit: CP24 news (Canadian Press/Nathan Denette)

The giant joint, erm Olympic Torch, recently passed through my ‘hood.  This was but one stop on the 106 day 45,000 National Relay to the Vancouver Winter Olympic Games.  Around 260 people will run 48K (300 metres at a time, which seems an odd distance) with the torch through the streets of the GTA.  Among the runners is Murray Dowey, 1948 Olympic Gold Medalist in hockey and retired TTC employee.  His torchbearing segment was to include a ride on the iconic TTC streetcar (holding the flame out the window, lest the iconic streetcar go up in smoke) but a detour to avoid the protesters reportedly foiled this plan (I can’t confirm the reports; I wasn’t there).  The story of his eleventh-hour call to an already last-minute ragtag team of underdogs (The Royal Canadian Airforce Flyers) that won Olympic gold makes me nostalgic for an Olympic games of big hopes without the big sponsorships.  

Dowey is not the only celebrity who took a hit from the flame.  Not to worry, they didn’t inhale.  Former Olympians (should I say former?  Once an Olympian always an Olympian?) Marnie McBean, Brian Orser, and Vicky Sunohara, ballerina Karen Kain, astronaut Roberta Bondar, filmmakers Ivan and Jason Reitman, director Deepa Mehta, and Bollywood star Akshay Kumarall all joined the red carpet relay around town.  I wonder if they needed to submit an application to coca-cola? 

My running group planned a run that, if the timing worked out, would have us crossing paths with the famous flame.  As we ran along the torch route in our matching run club outfits tens of people went mad with excitement thinking we were the torch-relayers.  Low-key torch runners without the patriotic red and white uniforms, police escort, or live-action commercial disguised as a parade.  Cries of “where’s the torch”, “WHERE’S THE TORCH” echoed as we dashed by on the sidewalk.  The torch, as it turns out, was delayed by an hour due to protesting and, I suspect, a stop to satisfy those munchies.  

Title Reference: Whitney Houston – One Moment in Time.  From the album One Moment in Time: 1988 Summer Olympics Album. 1988.

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus

On Saturday I did two things I have never done before.  I ran a 5K race (#1) in costume (#2).  All 2400 runners in the Santa Jingle 5K dressed in Santa Suits.  With jingle bells affixed to our shoes.   Actually, 2396 runners dressed in Santa Suits and four party poopers wore their usual running gear.  And no, a red/green/white top with black tights does not count as a Santa Suit.  Experienced Santas brought their own black belts.  Mine broke after about 30 seconds of use.  This Santa has enjoyed too many cookies.  The site of so many Santas running along the shores of Lake Ontario was … totally awesome.  One little kid cheering on the sidelines nearly lost his mind with excitement.  I think he’s expecting 2396 gifts under the tree Christmas morning. 

My pre-race good luck smooch to Husband felt a bit odd with him (and me) in full beard.  Like I was kissing a stranger.  I’m still coughing up white fur.  In our wedding vows he promised to love, honour, and never grow a moustache and/or beard.  At least I think he did.  The vows were in Spanish.  I do not speak Spanish.  We ran together at a relaxed pace (i.e. about 20 sec/km slower than my usual tempo run), although after a week of illness related starvation and sleep deprivation “relaxed” didn’t feel so relaxing.  We did not wear our timing chips, so my curious cyber stalkers will need to sleuth a little harder than usual to uncover my time. 

Kit pickup was a bit slow race morning as tons of people like me descended on the tables at the last possible moment.  The race was delayed about 15 minutes, I thought because of the mass tardiness but there are rumours about a car accident on the course.  The waiting area was brimming with festive excitement and good spirits and no one seemed terribly bothered by the late start.  The lady who decided to change the words of our national anthem into a Weird Al style parody of the cold weather, however, bothered my over-tired and grumpy brain.  So I gave her my stern look.  She stopped.  Hordes of optimistic walkers toed the starting line unintentionally causing a red and white pileup over the first 500 metres.  As soon as we turned onto lakeshore the route opened up and it was easy to pass and be passed.  The air was crisp but the sun bright as it bounced off Lake Ontario.  By kilometre one all the overdressed cold-fearers were shedding layers like they were trained in the art of exotic dance.  The Santa belts were flying. 

Although the sacred race rule is never let a costumed runner beat you I modified the rule for this particular race.   Never let a kid or a pet in costume beat you.  I’m reasonably certain I beat all the dog-deer.  But damn, some of those kids are fast.

p.s. Check out the race footage.  I’m the one in the red suit.

Title Reference: Jimmy Boyd – I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. 1952.

A little old driver so lively and quick

I just paid money to do two things I have never done before. 

Thing 1:  Run in costume.  I almost always race in the same outfit, give or take a layer.  My race outfit.  Tried and true it doesn’t shift, chafe, or look repulsive in photos (repulsive being a relative term after 35K).  Not this time.  This time I will run in full Santa gear, beard included. 

Thing 2: Run a 5K road race.  You think my claims to be created entirely from slow-twitch muscle are in jest.  I jest not.  My marathon race pace and my 5K race pace are the same.  It takes me a full 10K to warmup; a 5K race ends before I begin.  So I shall start with a 5K fun run, not a serious 5K race.  How fast can I go with a little round belly that shakes when I laugh like a bowl full of jelly?  I’m just running for the milk and cookies.

Check out the video footage from the inaugural 2008 Running of the Santas.  I’m not so sure about the winning Santas.  Did anyone else spot the imposters among them?   The lead man managed to stop along the way to shave his beard and he still won the race.  Suspicious.  The winning female somehow lost her red pants.  Santa does not wear black running tights.  Very suspicious.  The second place male isn’t in costume at all, he seems to be wearing an old red t-shirt over a white shirt, with those tell-tale black tights.  Fake-Santa needs a better disguise.  Or a new tailor.  The third place male also stopped for facial grooming.  That’s not something I’d want to do in a hurry.  I’m not one to subscribe to conspiracy theories, but I don’t think the winners are real Santas.  

Running With Scissors was part of the fun last year and it was his suggestion that inspired me to sign up.  This year 2000 bearded, overheated, and overstuffed Santas are anticipated.  That’s a one-year increase of 500 Santas.  I was tardy about registering and was punished with a kid-sized costume.  Look for me.  I’ll be the one in short pants.

Title Reference:  Quote from the poem Account of a Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement Clark Moore.  1823.

I’m wondering where the lions are

lionlineI claim to be all slow twitch muscle, but maybe my fast twitchers just need a boost of motivation.  A rat ran across my foot during a long run two weeks ago and Bolt would have had trouble running the next 100 metres with me.

 

Title Reference:  Bruce Cockburn – Wondering Where the Lion Are.  From the album Dancing in the Dragon’s Jaws.  1979.

I want a new duck

Sniff.  Quackers lost.  The Prefontaine of the duck dash, she swims a race to see who is fastest, to see who has the most guts.  According to eye witnesses she swam her little guts out (I, alas, had obligations elsewhere and could not watch the big event live – forgive me #2758), but on the big day her best just wasn’t fast enough.  Still, there is no shame in losing when you gave it your all.  Quackers was strong down the falls and through the rapids, in the lead gaggle of ducks (Collective Nouns for Birds tells me this should be a raft or a paddling of ducks, not a gaggle, but I thought gaggle was more recognizable and I didn’t want people to actually think Quackers rafted though the race), but was out-kicked in the final straightaway.  This web-footed wonder is taking a wee break from the training grind, but she’ll be back in 2010 to win the gold.  As Pre once said, “to give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.”  Duck #2758 has the gift.  You haven’t seen the last of her, no sir.

 

Title Reference:  Weird Al Yankovic – I Want a New Duck.  From the album Dare to be Stupid.  1985.

The coolest race on earth

The coolest race on earth
Judging a book by its cover:  I am a marketer’s dream, readily lured in by a catchy title and nifty cover art.  The Coolest Race on Earth sports both an enticing title and inspiring cover picture, so sold!  The author photo, however, leaves much to be desired.  There is something strangely off-putting about the portrait.  It took me some time to come up with a word that describes best my impression of John Hanc (or, to be more accurate, John Hanc’s author photo).  To do so I had to travel deep into the memory vaults, stopping in 10th grade to emerge with this little gem: poser.  He is presenting an image that I think he thinks he needs to present as a serious athlete.   I think he should try harder to at least pretend to like any one of running, writing, or Antarctica.  A little advice – lose the shades, the machismo top, and think about smiling.  Husband suggests that he may be “smiling with his eyes” Tyra style behind those reflective lenses, but I think he’s trying hard to look superfly. 

 

At current count I have read The Coolest Race three times.  That alone speaks to my enjoyment of the novel.  Books I dislike I seldom read more than twice.  Hanc promises a book that is “partly a memoir and partly a history of events both recent and distant” and he lives up to that billing.  Indeed, the report of his own Antarctic Marathon run arrives late in the story and consumes just 20 or so (pp 141-162) of the 216 pages.  That was a wise editorial decision.  While I admire the author’s recognition that he has difficulty leaving the seriousness out of what should be a race for experience and not time, I was often appalled by his self-reported unsportsmanlike behaviour.  From stealing Gatorade to Zodiacing back to the ship as soon as he crossed the finish line rather than staying to support his fellow runners (people, I hasten to add, he’s come to know quite well after days on an isolated ship) to his endless whining about embarrassment over his “glacial slow” finish time at times it takes effort to like the man.  Not to mention the expectation that his friends and family buy him all the necessary gear required for such a trip, guilting them into elaborate birthday gifts and then returning the generous “donations” for things he really wanted/needed.  If you can afford the $5000 price tag to run in Antarctica buy your own damn gloves. 

Did I mention that the race is his 50th birthday present to himself?   Make note Husband.  It sure beats a little red corvette and a tawdry affair, but I’m not sure of the wisdom in two weeks in dangerous seas with a newborn at home.  The lucrative book deal probably helped his case.  To his credit, he pokes fun at his misdeeds and imperfections and finds perspective, albeit late, which I’m told is better than never.  I may be too hard on him.  I blame the author photo.

The book, primarily, is a historic look at the Antarctic Marathon, marathoning, running tourism, the evolution of running, and Antarctic exploration.  Hanc does a fine job of weaving adventures past with happenings present.  He successfully highlights the forgotten stories and tells an intriguing tale of danger and adventure replicated on a small scale by staging a cold, muddy, hilly marathon at the end of the world.  I appreciated the parallels drawn between explorers and notable runners past and average folks finding adventure in the modern world.  This book will appeal to armchair history buffs who like to run (like me), to runners who like to mix tourism with races (like me), and to folks with an adventurous streak (like me in theory, but in action my worrisome nature beats down the call of the wild).  I think it is a rare runner who will read this book and not be inspired to run a race in an exotic or challenging local.  Anything seems possible after reading a romanticized tale of beating the odds.  The Antarctica Marathon, to me, sounds like 26.2 miles of unnecessary torture, but going north, now that’s a running adventure I can imagine.  I finished this book, looked at Husband and said “want to run the 2010 Reykjavik (Iceland) Marathon?”.  After no time to think he answered with a resounding yes.  Go Vikings.

RunShort’s Rating: 3.5 out of 5 sneakers. 

Reference:  John Hanc – The Coolest Race on Earth: Mud, Madmen, Glaciers, and Grannies at the Antarctica Marathon.  Chicago Review Press, Chicago, IL.  2009.

You make bathtime lots of fun

Tomorrow is race day.   Not for me, for my duck.  My Running Shorts is the official sponsor of Duck #2758, aka “Quackers”.   She is entered in the elite Race 3 of the famed Sauble Beach & District Lions Club Annual Duck Race.  Quakers has overcome a crippling case of runners wing and trained all summer for her comeback shot at the podium.  This is no easy course.  It starts with a steep downhill over the Sauble Falls, followed by rolling hills across the rapids, ending with a long flat straightaway to the finish line 100 metres downstream.  Unlike her sponsor (me),  Quackers is a fast twitch duck who shines in the short distance races.  Some of the best ducks in Canada will be racing, but Quakers loves the competition.  With the deep field of talent lined up this year I predict a new course, if not world, record.  If #2758 wins I shall share in her $500 windfall.  Swim Quakers, swim like the wind!

 

Annual Duck Race

Title Reference:  Ernie (voiced by Jim Henson) –  Rubber Duckie.  From the album The Sesame Street Book & Record.  1970.

Running in Heels

I wear high heeled shoes about five times a year.  Three weddings and a funeral and the occasional hot date with Husband.   Given my lack of practice, the act of wearing heels is (i) entertaining in a Bambi learning to walk kind of way and (ii) potentially lethal in a toppling into traffic kind of way.  And by “heels” I mean anything higher than flat and lower than 2 inches.   I have never in my life worn footwear that would be described as stiletto.  Which makes my consideration of a race billed as Canada’s first ever Stiletto Sprint all the more absurd.  I’m not drawn in by the prize money ($10,000) or the advertised fame and glory (which, as far as I can tell, amounts to a clip on Breakfast Television), but to the novelty.   I haven’t attempted a 100 metre sprint since grade school and back then I’m rather certain my performance could best be described as Dead Last.  I’ve discussed my lack of fast twitch muscles at length.  Lest the green-eyed monster rear it’s ugly head, men you can compete for $1000 in prize money of your own.   With 215 women and only 50 men perhaps I should encourage Husband to run with me.   If we weren’t two of the clumbsiest runners in the city I’d go for it; but two broken ankles four weeks before marathon madness is not part of the race plan. 

Shoe requirements and restrictions for both men and women are as follows: minimum heel height of three (3) inches, with a maximum heel circumference of three (3) inches; no wedges; no shoes that slip on (for example a mule or a clog or something similar); shoes must either have a solid back or a strap or something similar; no part of the shoe can extend above the ankle; no boots or booties; no taping or otherwise adhering shoes to your feet; shoe can not be modified or altered from its original and intended design in any way. Shoes will be checked by race officials at the time of registration on the morning of the Race and are subject to rejection at the officials’ sole discretion.  In order to successfully complete the Race, participants must cross the finish line with at least one heel intact.

100 metres in 3-inch spikes.   Are you up (and I do mean up) for the challenge?

(click the pic for more info on the Stiletto Sprint)

How far is this marathon?

When talking with non-runners about my upcoming races one of my favourite questions is “how far is this marathon”?  Real answer:  42.2K (26.2 miles).  Tempting answer: 12.195K too far on a bad day.  0.195K (0.2 miles) too far on a good day.  Those last 195 metres (0.2 miles) are a killer.  After a marathon I’m often greeted with an “is this the longest marathon you’ve ever run’?  Real answer: All marathons are the same length.  Tempting answer: it sure felt like it.  I appreciate that my non-running friends are showing, or feigning, interest in my time-consuming hobby.   I never grow tired of describing, in excruciating detail, every single kilometre of the race.

I also smile when people talk about running a 5K marathon.  To them, I’m sure, it was a marathon effort.  Once, after a 10K race, a man very sweetly proposed to his girlfriend on the finish line.  That night the couple made the local evening news.   In talking about the 10K she gushed the word marathon at least four times in the 20 second clip:  I never thought I could run a marathon, running this marathon is a dream come true, I’ve always admired marathoners, and I can think of no better way to celebrate my marathon victory than by saying yes to the man of my dreams.  I’m paraphrasing, my memory isn’t that good.  I wonder if and when she realized that she ran not quite a quarter of a marathon.  I fear the news would devastate her. 

The average person on the street knows that a marathon is a long distance, even if they do not know that all marathons are one precisely measured length.  And why would they know?  Or care?  I don’t know how to keep score in badminton, although I have a vague notion that score-keeping is involved.  That’s enough to satisfy my thirst for badminton-related knowledge.   Unless you run (or support a runner), there has probably never been a need in your life to check the length.   It’s a long run, everyone knows that much.  The length wasn’t even fixed until the spell-binding London Olympic Marathon in 1908, when the selected 42.195K distance (chosen so that the royal family could view the finish from their box seats) influenced the IAAF to officially set the distance in 1921.  Before 1921 the distance bounced around 40K.  So if someone in the century age range asks you “how far is this marathon” they are asking a historically informed question. 

Confusing the issue, races offer mini-marathons, cable networks offer mind-numbing and annoyingly addictive rerun-marathons, and the term has been usurped by anyone looking to describe any time-consuming and/or arduous task.  The Marathon, always with a capital M to show respect, is a word revered by runners but overused by everyone else.  I recently read about a marathon political campaign.  A marathon performace.  A marathon delivery.  I google alert the word marathon.  You’d be surprised at what I’m sent. 

In answer to the “how far” questions, once upon a time I responded with an “around 42K”, but quickly found that cold hard numbers don’t mean much to many folks.  People just aren’t tuned into kilometres.  An offhanded “from here to location 42 kilometres away” is much more effective.  You can always recognize the moment that they get it by the bugging of the eyes when the context helps them understand the incredulous length.  So how far is this marathon?  Far enough.  For now. 

Sherman's Lagoon 5K

Sherman's Lagoon 5K

Can I buy your magic bus?

For 143 days in 1980 Terry Fox lived out of a Ford Econoline Van while he ran across Canada on his Marathon of Hope.  When Fox was forced to end the journey early due to the return of his cancer the van just sort of disappeared.  Not out of the limelight for long, the van had made its way to the heavy metal band Removal and spent years on tour across North America.  The whereabouts unbeknownst to most of Terry’s fans, the van found more glory and fame in the music world. 

In 2006 Douglas Coupland’s book Terry inspired the rediscovery of the Van of Hope.  Terry’s brother, who lived with him in the van during the Marathon of Hope, asked Coupland to look for leads on the whereabouts of the van, but it was a random encounter with a painter that led them to the street in East Vancouver on which the van was parked.  Still with the band, the head-banging owner was aware of the van’s pedigree and had, in the past, taken the van to local Terry Fox runs.  Although showing signs of age, with the original interior intact the van was in remarkable condition for a vehicle having spent years on the road.  One can only imagine what that van had been through.  The bandmates never even changed the orange shag carpeting.  Pause for the collective ewww.  The former owner claims they were reluctant to make any alterations to the vehicle, believing they might upset Terry’s good karma that kept the Econoline going mile after mile. 

Once found, the owner agreed to sell the van to the Terry Fox Foundation for a nominal fee.  Ford Canada sponsored the restoration of this piece of Canadian history.  Workers spent 1000 hours dismantling and reassembling every van piece in preparation for a cross-country fundraising Tour of Hope in summer 2008.  Upon seeing the van again, Terry’s brother Darrell reminisced “I just thought, this was where he slept and ate and perspired and there was a lot of emotions there that just came back.”   Reportedly that van was extremely stinky.  A smell so sickly it was newsworthy.  Don’t judge, the man ran a marathon a day then relaxed in the Econoline while the shag carpeting soaked up all that sticky perspiration.

If you were alive in 1980 (in Canada) you remember Terry Fox and that van.   As brother Darrell (it you remember the 80s you just thought “and my other brother Darrell”) reminds us,  the van “protected [Terry] from the madness outside when chaos ruled the day as interest in his story picked up.”  The van has become a symbol for the power message of possibility sent by Terry.  Young as I was, I remember being enthralled by news reports with images of Terry on the run and always in the background was that ever-faithful van.  That reconditioned van is now routinely parked on a street about 250 metres from my home.  I often pass it by on the start of my long runs and you know, I’ve got to agree with that rock band, good vibrations radiate from every last patch of rust.  I always think about rubbing its bumper for luck, but worry what the neighbours will think. 

If, like me, you haven’t participated in a Terry Fox Run since you were a kid, on Sunday September 13th 2009 considering doing so once again.  It’s good karma.

Terry Fox and his faithful Econoline

Terry Fox and his faithful Econoline

 Title Reference:  the Who – Magic Bus.  From the album Magic Bus – The Who on Tour.  1968.