I often imagine that on an early Sunday morning run I stumble across a dead body. I have a lot of time to imagine things during a three hour training run. Just in case, I run with a portable CSI kit. For my discovery to happen I think I need to move to a city with a higher murder rate. And while I’m contemplating a move, a lower pedestrian fatality rate, because I’m certain I am going to die while running across the street.
I picture my evening news interview: I was just out for a run when something caught my eye. As I got closer I realized it was a leg. A leg attached to a body. A DEAD BODY!! The headlines would read … well, I’ll leave this one to the journalists who read this blog. Last weekend, while I was swimming the Waterloo Half Marathon, my running mates went for a long run along the waterfront and happened upon a dead body as it was pulled from Lake Ontario. No, they didn’t discover the body, but they saw the body bag. The dead body bag. Close enough.
According to the credible sources at The Onion, the odds I’ll find a dead body on a run are higher than I ever imagined: Nation’s Joggers Sick of Finding Dead Bodies. I may not need to move. The article, dated February 2007, describes the dire situation: Citing the sobering statistic that over 10,000 of the 12,800 slayings in the United States in 2006 were reported by joggers, a national coalition of fitness enthusiasts called upon government officials Tuesday to impose measures that would reduce the likelihood of runners discovering lifeless bodies. Three years later little has changed. With the spring thaw it is just a matter of time before I’m on the evening news. I was just out for a run.
Title Reference: Blue Oyster Cult – (Don’t Fear) The Reaper. 1976.
Whoa! That’s something that would never have occurred to me, but now that you mention it, it makes a lot of sense. Whoa. Whoa. Yikes.
I’m always happy to fear monger.
You monger fear, I’ll monger vengeance, and we’ll be healthier *together*!
I remember another body in a park we run in a few years back. You do realize it only happens on the >30k runs, higher probability rule.
I missed another body? I think I may need to leave the 30K cemeteriy loop to find the dead bodies.
Next cycle, I will try to devise routes that have a higher degree of body sightings (remote, dark, dense brush…)
Yeah, enough lifestyles of the rich and fabulous. In those areas the staff find all the bodies before we do.
I am content to run in the woods and on a road that turns to dirt a km away from my house. I do not think I could handle finding a body.
That sounds lovely. I live in an urban jungle, so running on dirt is a treat.