My Running Shorts

Dear Santa,

I have (mostly) been a very nice girl this year.  Sure I ate too many cookies, but I know you will forgive that gluttonous transgression.  Please excuse the tardiness of my list; I’ve been terribly busy doing good deeds.  Like all beauty queens, what I really want this Christmas is world peace and bouncy hair, but until then these treats will warm the cockles of my heart (I’m not an anatomist, but does my heart even have a cockle?). 

1. Calories.  A one year supply of (i) Powerbar Gels – Vanilla.  Only PowerBar.  Only Vanilla.  (ii) Lemon-Lime Gatorade.  Only Gatorade.  Only lemon-lime.  (iii) Luna Sport Moon Energy Chews.  Any flavour will do.  I’m not picky.
2. Arm Warmers.  I recently bought leg warmers.  Not for running, but for stylin’.  It worked for me in the 80s.  With extensive experience wearing warmers, arms are the next logical step.
3. A Pedicure.  Once upon a time I had pretty toes.  Then I ran an ulramarathon.
4. Snot Spot.  My nose runs when I do.  It’s not a character flaw, it’s biology.  Don’t judge me and my need for a Snot Spot.
5. Race Photo.  Surrounded in snowflakes and festive lights.  The 214 last chance emails finally worked.
6. Race bib.  Guaranteed entry to the 2011 Boston Marathon so I don’t procrastinate myself out of another spot.  And an iRun to Boston t-shirt for passive-aggressive bragging.
7. Compression Socks.  I have yet to find a pair tight enough to compress my twig-thin calves.  Although the “science” behind compression is sketchy I have a thing for knee-high socks.
8. Runner’s Log.  Last year a friend gave me a runner’s logbook for Christmas.  It was the first time I ever tracked my yearly workouts.  Although confronting my laziness was a wee bit scary I hope this year those empty entry blanks will motivate me to fill my evenings with something other than TV watching and blog-writing.   I lost an entire week of training to Dexter.
9. Sunscreen/Sunglasses.  I’m really not 68 and I’m starting to feel guilty taking home those age group awards.
10. Road ID.  For the day when I’m struck and rendered unconscious by a monster truck. 
11. PaceTat.  I’m too gun-shy (and indecisive) to get a real tattoo, but this paceband tattoo is just genius.
12. Marathon Mugs.  I like to feel impressed with myself while I drink my morning tea.  A marathon mug, like this one, reminds me of my awesomeness.
13. A trophy.  Seriously, I really want to win something other than a finisher’s medal.  On a completely unrelated note, can you also make me a whole lot faster?  

Your friend,

Runshorts.

p.s.  I’m leaving my special Runners’ Cookies for you and the reindeer.  I know you’ll need the energy for your ultramarathon of gift giving.

Title Reference: Amy Grant – My Grown-Up Christmas List.  From the album Home for Christmas.  1992.