The constant stream of canned holiday music blasting from cheap speakers in every store is not enough. To really appreciate the festive season add those jingle beats to your running playlist. I guarantee you will run faster in an attempt to finish your workout before your ears start bleeding from listening to yet another popstar rendition of Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree (seriously, whatever happened to Jessica Simpson?). There is, as they say, a method to my madness.
Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. Sure beats the black ninja SUV that snuck up and nearly killed me last week. I’m now wearing so many blinkers you can see me from space.
Run Rudolph Run. Santa’s got to make it to town. We already know that if Rudolph runs he’ll never make it on time. Bring on Plan B Santa.
Jingle Bells. Dashing through the snow. Forget the sled. Dash on foot.
Elf’s Lament. I think we’ve all had our suspicions as to how those reindeer make it around the world in a single evening. Hand over that urine sample Rudy. Absurd though it may seem, you know, I’ve heard there’s even been illegal doping. And though we’re coping, I just hope it’s not contagious. All I want for Christmas is BNL to reunite.
The Marvelous Toy. It went zip went moved. Bop when it stopped. Whirr when it stood still. I make sounds when I run. Mostly when I run around sharp corners. Like a race car. Vroom vroom.
Boogie Woogie Santa Claus. He’s got rhythm in his feet, but nothing in his sack. I have nothing to add.
Baby It’s Cold Outside. It can be tough to get started when the temperature drops and the snow piles up. I have little willpower over the call of hot chocolate and Bailey’s. So really I’d better scurry. Beautiful, please don’t hurry. Well maybe just a half a drink more. Put some music on while I pour.
Winter Wonderland. I’ve tried running through knee-deep snow the morning after a snowstorm. Note my use of the word try. Sometimes jogging, nay walking, is the way to go. Walking in a winter wonderland.
Little Saint Nick. He’s haulin’ through the snow at a frightening speed. Even though he has a belly that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly I can’t beat his “frightening speed”. I’ll be at the track.
Parade of the Wooden Soldiers. Need help pacing? Take a lesson from the marching soldiers. Here they come (here they come). Wooden soldiers on parade.
Here Comes the Fastest Man in Town. Here comes the fastest man in town. He’s more than 60 inches round. I’ve never actually listened to this song. It is the title track from a 1940s Gloria Parker Soundie (soundie = a three minute musical film, thank you Wikipedia) and I can’t find a soundbite online; but I’m certain I will love it.
Christmas Shoes. Okay, I selected this for the title. Like those damn Bell Canada holiday commercials this stupid song has power over my tear ducts. This one is best as a before running song, as in you will want to run to escape the haunting lyrics.
And now it’s your turn … what did I miss?