Band on the Run: Holiday Hustle

The constant stream of canned holiday music blasting from cheap speakers in every store is not enough.  To really appreciate the festive season add those jingle beats to your running playlist.  I guarantee you will run faster in an attempt to finish your workout before your ears start bleeding from listening to yet another popstar rendition of Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree (seriously, whatever happened to Jessica Simpson?).  There is, as they say, a method to my madness.

Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.  Sure beats the black ninja SUV that snuck up and nearly killed me last week.  I’m now wearing so many blinkers you can see me from space.

Run Rudolph RunSanta’s got to make it to town.  We already know that if Rudolph runs he’ll never make it on time.  Bring on Plan B Santa.

Jingle BellsDashing through the snow.  Forget the sled.  Dash on foot.  

Elf’s Lament.  I think we’ve all had our suspicions as to how those reindeer make it around the world in a single evening.  Hand over that urine sample Rudy.  Absurd though it may seem, you know, I’ve heard there’s even been illegal doping.  And though we’re coping, I just hope it’s not contagious.  All I want for Christmas is BNL to reunite.

The Marvelous ToyIt went zip went moved.  Bop when it stopped.  Whirr when it stood still.  I make sounds when I run.  Mostly when I run around sharp corners.  Like a race car.  Vroom vroom.  

Boogie Woogie Santa ClausHe’s got rhythm in his feet, but nothing in his sack.  I have nothing to add.

Baby It’s Cold Outside.  It can be tough to get started when the temperature drops and the snow piles up.  I have little willpower over the call of hot chocolate and Bailey’s.  So really I’d better scurry.  Beautiful, please don’t hurry.  Well maybe just a half a drink more.  Put some music on while I pour

Winter Wonderland.  I’ve tried running through knee-deep snow the morning after a snowstorm.  Note my use of the word try.  Sometimes jogging, nay walking, is the way to go.  Walking in a winter wonderland.

Little Saint NickHe’s haulin’ through the snow at a frightening speed.  Even though he has a belly that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly I can’t beat his “frightening speed”.  I’ll be at the track.

Parade of the Wooden Soldiers.  Need help pacing?  Take a lesson from the marching soldiers.  Here they come (here they come).  Wooden soldiers on parade

Here Comes the Fastest Man in TownHere comes the fastest man in town.  He’s more than 60 inches round.  I’ve never actually listened to this song.  It is the title track from a 1940s Gloria Parker Soundie (soundie = a three minute musical film, thank you Wikipedia) and I can’t find a soundbite online; but I’m certain I will love it.

Christmas Shoes.  Okay, I selected this for the title.  Like those damn Bell Canada holiday commercials this stupid song has power over my tear ducts.  This one is best as a before running song, as in you will want to run to escape the haunting lyrics.

And now it’s your turn … what did I miss?

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13 responses to “Band on the Run: Holiday Hustle

  1. Where’s Frosty?

    Running here and there all
    Around the square saying,
    Catch me if you can.

    Taunting us to catch him. Nice. High mileage snowmen are strong at say, the Chilly Half Marathon but I could take him for sure on say, the Reggae Marathon in Jamaica.

  2. Oh yes, in regards to Holiday Hustles, I will not be running this Saturday at the Santa Jingle :(….Broken Toe will have me on the sidelines.

    Actually, look for me at the finish line as I am volunteering while the rest of the fam run run runs.

    • Yikes! Well I’m running chipless and plan to saunter across the finish line so if I spot you Ill say hi for sure. I should be easy to recognize – the only adult in a kid-sized suit.

  3. The Vegan Anti-Hero

    Seriously, what did ever happen to Jessica Simpson? That’s an missing person report someone needs to look into. Stat.

  4. Wouldn’t that be the perfect spin-off to the current “Simpsons” show? Bart meets Jessica? Homer meets Jessica’s crazy dad? Ashlee appearing for no apparent reason? I’d actually start watching Simpsons again for this.

    As far as Christmas songs go, I will say only that as a painfully shy introvert in the second grade I was forced to perform Little Drummer Boy on a Folgers coffee can before a packed house of totally disinterested parents, and the aftereffects leave me unable to listen to Christmas music to this day. Ram pa pum pum indeed.

    • I think Ashlee was on The Simpsons. She was performing at Moe’s when the audio messed up and she was “singing” the words to the wrong song. So she did a jig.

      Be grateful your coffee can incident didn’t happen in the last decade. Imagine 275 video recordings of your most traumatic childhood moments?

  5. i don’t think i’ve ever heard of some of these christmas songs, but i enjoyed your humor and thoughts on them.

    in seriousness, i play “carol of the bells” in my head sometimes on speed workouts. i don’t quite know the song in its entirety so i ‘play’ it out of order i’m sure but it actually gets me moving.

    • If it gets you moving I’ll definitely check out the carol of the bells. I need some help in the moving department.

      Once at the track the Smurfs theme song became stuck on an endless loop in my head. I can’t la la la la la la fast enough for a proper speed workout.

  6. Pingback: Dawn on the Run » Blog Archive » Looking for a little Holiday Hustle…

  7. Baby, Its Cold Outside: a Christmas Carol about getting roofied. Enough said.

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